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Afton’s Birth Story: Part One

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Afton’s Birth Story: Part One Afton’s Birth Story: Part One

Afton’s Birth Story: Part One






TRIGGER WARNING: THIS birth story CONTAINS REFERENCES TO PREMATURity AND INFANT LOSS.
Throughout my entire pregnancy with Afton, I had one primary health goal: stay calm.
I am a very anxious person, and even when I do not have an extra human living inside my body, I get a little weird about health stuff. By ?get a little weird,? I mean that I see a counselor and she helps me get right (s/o to Amanda). Knowing that I was prone to anxiety, I had established calm as a goal from the beginning. I read books like The Headspace Guide to a Mindful Pregnancy and The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (<– real). This is a natural process, I said again and again. It will be okay. Stay calm, you are strong, trust your body.
For the last two days, I had noticed a few physical changes that were new. No bleeding or anything major red-flag and scary, but in honor of my goal to not freak out about everything, I had waited two days and now I wanted to make sure things were okay. I called the clinic and the scheduler put me down for sometime on Friday.  I almost hung up the phone, but I interrupted her at the last minute, asking if there was any way I could get in earlier. Friday was a busy day for me, and besides, I’d just prefer to get in earlier and put my mind at ease. She told me there wasn’t anything available in the clinic, but that I could just swing into Urgent Care to get checked out if I wanted to get in sooner.
Perfect, I thought. I’ll just knock this appointment real quick. Then I won’t have to worry anymore.
I told Bjork where I was going and that I’d be back in an hour. It was 4pm and friends were coming over at 6pm.
It is the mark of tragedy – that there is absolutely no way to know what?s coming. That it finds you right in the most normal times, that it does not yield to your dinner plans or the fact that you won?t get to pack a bag and say goodbye. That you will leave the house with a spring in your step, not knowing that the next time you walk through that door it will be January 2017, and you’ll be carrying a hospital memory box instead of a baby. It is tragedy, and it is cruel.
I texted Bjork from the waiting room, suddenly feeling a little nervous sitting amongst all the people with face masks and hacking coughs. It plays out like a movie.

I don?t know if words could ever really capture the extent of the pain of this decision.
I am including this in Afton?s birth story because it?s a big part of the truth: that our hearts broke one million times over long before we lost our sweet boy. Choosing to do everything we could to save Afton’s life was a decision, yes. But it was also its own kind of death.

THURSDAY, December 29 & FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30

Friday night, two days after being admitted, my wall of confidence came crumbling down. I came back from a quick midnight trip to the bathroom and sobbed into my pillow. There was no blood, no visible physica...


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Fuente de la noticia: pinchofyum
Fecha de publicación: 27-04-2017 21:35
visto: 5

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