April is a strange time for us this year.
From the moment the due date calculator online spit out April 26th, 2017, every commitment on our calendar submitted to that day and that month and that season. And that season is now. It’s Spring and it’s April and it’s nearing our day specifically, but our lives have completely changed. The parallel life of different, happier endings ghosts us around every corner. It’s Saturday: I should be packing a hospital bag. It’s nice outside: we should be installing a carseat and washing onesies. It’s Easter: I should be way too pregnant to hunt for Easter eggs. (Because yes, my mom still makes us hunt for eggs when we are 30. Thank you, mom. )
Our big moment in April is here, getting closer with each day, but it feeling farther away than ever before. We’re walking through our lives on the wrong side of a cruelly indestructible, paper-thin veil – one that’s translucent enough for us to see our hopes and dreams unfolding differently just across the divide. It is real and it is hard.
A big part of that plan-your-whole-life-around-April thing was getting started with a remodel on our house. Or a build" Maybe it should be called a build. We aren’t really remodeling anything because there was nothing in our attic to begin with. We are talking about taking nothing other than a roof and some beams and making it into something – a livable space. And the reason for the build was, of course, April. The baby. Our son Afton.
We met with the builders the day before I was admitted to the hospital. We joked about how we would have to make sure not to have the baby early so they’d have time to finish. Wouldn’t that be complicated, we laughed. To have a baby before the remodel is done. But not to worry – we’ll have plenty of time – two full months to settle in, assuming the project will be done in early March.
Again with that paper-thin veil.